The mock “iGiraffe” serves as a kind of prop for balance during dialogic [warmup] reps, not dissimilar to barre classes in a ballet studio (perhaps moreso for the tongue/eardrum muscles):
Enrico Cecchetti insists that barre exercises “are to the dancer what scales and arpeggios are to the musician” cautioning dancers to “remember always that it is of far greater importance to execute ten movements correctly than execute a hundred in a careless or slovenly manner.”
Sadie Lincoln, “Most barre-based classes use a combination of postures inspired by ballet and other disciplines like yoga and Pilates. The barre is used as a prop to balance while doing exercises that focus on isometric strength training (holding your body still while you contract a specific set of muscles) combined with high reps of small range-of-motion movements.”
The “iGiraffe” is the brainchild of a couple of NVC certified trainers, Catherine Cadden and Jesse Wiens (who also happen to be a married couple!), both of whom really launched my more intentional study of Nonviolent Communication when I met them back in 2009. Their design creativity and years of experience deserve all the credit and they’ve generously allowed me to use it for the ‘street giraffes’ practice group. It’s something that they originally came up with as a learning aide for a couple of NVC Academy courses they taught. So, while it’s not an actual phone/computer app, but more of a two dimensional imaginary ‘cheat sheet’ (in role-play scenarios), I have found the idea of it to be invaluable. I’ve even had it as my phone’s screen saver, at times, as encouragement and would imagine having the presence of mind to ‘push a button’ when in the midst of a challenging conversation. If you’d like to get a sense of how Jesse and Catherine have used it, there are two options (not at all necessary to do, just an ‘extra credit’ type thing). The first is, if you have an NVC Academy multi-media library subscription, you can access their two recorded classes using the “iGiraffe” at no cost. Also there is an NVC Marketplace, where it’s possible to purchase the classes outright (links above).
FYI ~ Catherine and Jesse’s skill at imparting NVC consciousness to others can also be found in book form…
“I once asked Marshall Rosenberg, creator of Nonviolent Communication, what it would take for me to “really learn this stuff”. His answer: “Practice, practice, practice.” My Companion Workbook was written to offer practice in learning the NVC model, and now Jesse and Catherine take us further and deeper, providing practices to really get it in our bones, from the inside out. I highly recommend The Ongo Book as a way to take Marshall’s suggestion to heart!”
– Lucy Leu, editor of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life,
author of Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook,
and co-founder of the Freedom Project
“Born from a clever idea – to make long term contemplative practice doable at home – this book brims with useful advice. You will be encouraged to prioritize the values of meditative life, like compassion and clarity, in the midst of your ordinary situation. Organized to be accessible to solo practitioners, pairs or partners, and groups, the framework makes the The Ongo Book practices highly adaptable.”
– Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness
“In a hurried and harried world, here are some basic and potentially powerful ideas about how to remain stable and unrocked. My guess is they will become more valuable as our various external crises deepen, and some of the distractions on which we currently lean begin to show their shallowness.”
– Bill McKibben, author of Deep Economy and co-founder of 350.org
“For many years, in my own evolution and teaching, it has been very clear to me that, in order to actualize our spiritual evolution, we need the support of a community who share our vision and values. The Ongo Book provides a practical support for this vision.”
– Robert Gonzales, Center for Living Compassion, Author of Reflections on Living Compassion
“Using a wealth of wisdom and techniques from the many traditions they have explored, Catherine and Jesse have put together an impressively thorough and well-crafted program for spiritual development and well being. I am frankly amazed by their daring and skill.”
– Norman Fischer, Zen priest, author of Experience: Thinking, Writing, Language and Religion and What is Zen?
If role play, hearing conversations modeled and dialogue practice is how you learn, this is the telecourse recording for you! Learn the art of entering, staying in and bowing out of the conversational dance using real-life situations.
If role-play, hearing conversations modeled, and dialogue practice is how you learn, this 4-part telecourse recording is for you! Learn the art of entering into, staying in, and bowing out of “the dance” of communication, playing with your real-life situations using Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requests as the foundation.
Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, “I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving of the heart.”
"Never question the beauty of what you are saying because someone reacts with pain, judgment, criticism. It just means they have not heard you." ~ Marshall Rosenberg
NVC is a tool, in our toolbox (akin to a paintbrush); how it is expressed, on the canvas of our lived existence, may be as varied as the fruits of each painter's artistic choices & creative risks.
Toolbox – Tools for Call
e.g.
Recommended: Free NVC/MYLApp (as a composting/'posthersal' if/then)
NVC handout from 1980s (note "dreams" - perhaps inspired by MLK)
"Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words." ~ Marshall B. Rosenberg
"From his work with civil rights activists in the '60s, Rosenberg came up with the precise language of Nonviolent Communication, designed to minimize defensive reactions and maximize cooperation." Katy Butler
When once asked about why he, Marshall Rosenberg, opted to shift from "dreams" (1.0) to "universal human needs" (2.0) he offered it was quicker, it simply took less time.
"It’s not about racing toward a resolution. The approach I offer holds empathy for both sides of a conflict. In my 3 Chair Model, being the mediator is to sit between the “two chairs” — the two sides of a conflict and the relationship between subconscious and conscious dimensions of our experience.
The third side perspective isn’t above or outside of the conflict— it’s a conduit for deeper connection within it that reconciles and heals.
Sitting in the third chair symbolizes the most evolved aspect of an individual's self-awareness... " (continues)
"...and for all his sweetness, he had the tiger and the jackal in his soul." ~ American feminist Voltairine de Cleyre via NYT (gift link)
“We don't rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.” ― Archilochos
Visiting "street giraffes" from around the globe (all the countries, in green, that have visited this blog!)
"I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying, 'please' and 'thank you'. What used to sound like criticism, judgment, or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of 'please'." ~ Marshall B. Rosenberg
Dialogue as a Mindfulness Practice
Marshall Rosenberg
"If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and needing." ~ Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD
3 Dialogic Choice-Points
"If I could teach people only one tool for training in presence it would be to pause. The space of one pause can make a world of difference." p. 45 of Oren Jay Sofer's Say What You Mean
"When we are able to include our own needs in the equation fully, alongside, not instead of, others’ needs, we are more likely to experience the possibility of stepping beyond the either/or paradigm, and finding care for everyone." ~ Miki Kashtan
"There are two things that distinguish truly nonviolent actions from violent actions. First, there is no enemy in the nonviolent point of view. You don’t see an enemy. Your thinking is clearly focused on protecting your needs. Second, your intention is not to make the other side suffer." ~ Marshall Rosenberg
"The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love — whether we call it friendship or family or romance — is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light. Gentle work. Steadfast work. Life-saving work in those moments when life and shame and sorrow occlude our own light from our view, but there is still a clear-eyed loving person to beam it back. In our best moments, we are that person for another." ~ Maria Popova
On Listening
“A jest's prosperity lies in the ear
Of him that hears it, never in the tongue
Of him that makes it.” William Shakespeare, Love's Labour's Lost
"Nonviolent Communication is a way of keeping our consciousness tuned in moment by moment to that beauty within ourselves and others, and not saying anything that we think might in any way tarnish people's consciousness of their own beauty." ~ Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD
"Anger is a signal that you’re distracted by judgmental or punitive thinking, and that some precious need of yours is being ignored." ~ Marshall Rosenberg
"When we are depressed, our thinking blocks us from being aware of our needs, and then being able to take action to meet our needs." ~ Marshall Rosenberg
"I wouldn’t expect someone who’s been injured to hear my side until they felt that I had fully understood the depth of their pain." ~ Marshall Rosenberg
"True forgiveness is not about condoning or forgetting; it's about releasing ourselves from the burden of resentment and finding peace within." ~ Marshall Rosenberg
This blog/call grew out of a "Naturalizing NVC" class I took with Miki Kashtan through NVC Academy in 2011 during which I made a request of my fellow classmates that we might practice together outside of the call. It was mostly just about my wanting to gain "street giraffe" fluency by way of practice and then also cataloguing the seeds of my learning. As I say here, it's likely been sustained by way of "structured procrastination" and lots of tinkering while multi-tasking. As Peggy Smith once put it, NVC is but one fruit amidst a more plentiful fruit bowl offering of the healing powers of resonant language, which animates the arc of my life's journey and is something I hope to write about eventually. Bottom line, I'm merely a fellow practitioner/traveler yet invite any inquiries that this blog may have sparked for you.
What is Conscious Communication? (a.k.a. Nonviolent Communication or NVC)
The Chopra Center: Conscious Communication is the ability to clearly communicate what you want in life, which directly relates to your emotional well-being. The key principles of conscious communication can help you do just that… (continues)
(See also OFNR: Observation, Feelings, Needs & Requests.)
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict
New to NVC?
“If I had just one book to recommend about interpersonal communication, it would be this one.” ~ Rick Hanson
"Reflect: Identify situations where your communication aligned with NVC principles, and others where you feel that you could have improved. Taking a step back can be crucial to acknowledging your progress and identifying where you want to grow." ~ Barbara Robles-Ramamurthy, MD
'You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less stupid." ~ Marshall B. Rosenberg
"As NVC replaces our old patterns of defending, withdrawing or attacking in the face of judgment and criticism. We come to perceive ourselves and others, as well as our intentions and relationships, in a new light. Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized." ~ Marshall Rosenberg
"I would like us to create peace at three levels and have each of us to know how to do it. First, within ourselves. That is to know how we can be peaceful with ourselves when we’re less than perfect, for example. How we can learn from our limitations without blaming and punishing our self. If we can’t do that, I’m not too optimistic how we’re going to relate peacefully out in the world. Second, between people. Nonviolent Communication training shows people how to create peace within themselves and at the same time how to create connections with other people that allows compassionate giving to take place naturally. And third, in our social systems. To look out at the structures that we’ve created, the governmental structures and other structures, and to look at whether they support peaceful connections between us and if not, to transform those structures." ~ Marshall Rosenberg
Street Giraffes 