“Since we tend to see ourselves primarily in the light of our intentions, which are invisible to others, while we see others mainly in the light of their actions, which are all that’s visible to us, we have a situation in which misunderstanding and injustice are the order of the day.” ~ John G. Bennet
Four Mediate One’s Life contexts:
- Internal/intrapersonal. The conflict is within, between aspects of oneself.
- Self-other/interpersonal. The conflict is between oneself and another.
- Informal. Opting to lend one’s mediation skills to a conflict in our midst (without being explicitly asked to do so).
- Formal. One mediates a conflict, intentionally, and at the request or with the express agreement of others.
Contact Pamela re: NVC Mediation & “Taking the Third Chair“
Learn more about Mediate One’s Life (consults)
(Beneath courtesy of the work of NVC Mediation pioneers John Kinyon & Ike Lasater, Founders – Mediate Your Life)
John Kinyon, “Three chairs can change your life…”
Excerpt (via John Kinyon): “Three chairs can change your life. In the world of professional dispute resolution, the three chairs represent two disputants and a mediator. In our Mediate Your Life training, you learn to ‘take the third chair.’ From this perspective, you perceive a different reality. You become more centered and effective in responding to life’s challenges and conflicts…. Seeing the situation from the third chair can be very difficult. Although obvious and simple at one level, the shift in perspective is a radical one that goes deeper and deeper. I have at times found it quite challenging — and also extremely valuable — to live this out in my own life…” (continues)
See also: The Three Chair Model [PDF]
Vision & Mission (via John Kinyon): The vision of the 3Chairs Project is a critical mass of people around the world working together to respond to the challenges we face, and creating a peaceful, healthy, and sustainable world.
The mission of the project is people having difficult and important conversations — personal, work, political — using a “3 chairs” structure and process that brings mindful awareness, compassion and collaboration to these conversations. It’s about hearing and understanding each other in our differences and our pain, without needing to agree, and connecting at the level of our shared humanity to contribute to one another’s well being. It’s about having conversations that change us, that create the life and relationships we want, and that move us toward the world we envision…
For more as to NVC & Social Change Agency:
See also: Empathy Guessing Demystified &
In our Mediate Your Life training, we offer what is called a Self-Connection Process. This process integrates mindfulness with language components of Compassionate Communication (Nonviolent Communication/NVC), and a 3-chair mediation framework that provides different processes we call “maps” to navigate life’s challenges and difficult conversations.
The Self-Connection Process map enables you to find the inner “3rd chair” of awareness. From this place, you can observe the “opposing chairs” of thoughts and feelings, and effectively navigate the storminess and rough terrains of conflict to find connection on the other side where new possibilities emerge for solving problems and experiencing well being… (continues)
See also: Handy-Handouts
See also: Peace, Love & Joy
The Mediate Your Life Approach
What is NVC Mediation? A Powerful Model for Healing and Reconciling Conflict
To be a human being is to regularly be in conflict with oneself and others. Since we are biological beings, we are not able to be inside another person’s experience, which means that each of us has our unique frame of reference on the world. Brain scientists tell us that our experience shapes how the mind perceives the world. We all know this intuitively. In a simple example, you and I can go to a movie together, and you might be impassioned while I might be bored. The difference lies in each of us, not in the movie. In a similar vein, scientists also suggest that, in ways that are not yet fully known, the brain in effect has several conversations happening simultaneously in the process of producing what we experience as a unified consciousness of a present situation. Thus, both inside our minds and with other people we are immersed in conversations that contain differing perspectives, and conflicts inherently arise. I have found NVC mediation to be an effective means of reconciling these differing perspectives, so much so that I have taken it on as an all-encompassing life practice. The same skills apply whether I am working on a conflict within my own head, a conflict between myself and another person, or a conflict between two or more people, or whether I am seeking to return to presence in the process of the every day occurrences of my life. Taking on the practice of NVC mediation means to constantly hone and expand the capacity to contribute to the reconciliation and healing of conflict. In this article, I’ll explain the basic premise and process of NVC mediation and where it came from, then go into detail on a number of characteristics of this form that I find make it a particularly potent model. The Origin of NVC mediation has evolved out of the body of work referred to as Nonviolent Communication that was initially developed by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, a clinical psychologist, out of his personal and professional experience. Marshall has spent the last few decades traveling around the world offering trainings. Though the number of people who have been to NVC trainings is quite large, NVC mediation is still relatively unknown… (continues here: What is NVC Mediation?)
Choosing Peace is about creating inner peace and from that creating peace with others. In it, we give the reader concrete tools with which to do this. It is a very practical hands-on book, a relevant and accessible tool… Learn More
More videos: Mediate Your Life: A Training Company
What do you mean by “mediate your life”?
- Internal. The conflict is inside your own head, between aspects of yourself.
- Self-other/interpersonal. The conflict is between you and someone else.
- Informal. You mediate someone else’s conflict without being asked to do so.
- Formal. You mediate someone else’s conflict at their request.
From Conflict to Connection
Transforming Difficult Conversations into Peaceful Resolutions
Interpersonal conflict is a fact of life. Whether you are directly in conflict with a family member or colleague, or simply experience sticky situations with others, being able to have difficult conversations in a satisfying manner can greatly improve your relationships and well-being. Learn More…
& Seeds of a Nonviolent Ethos
Blessed are those who mourn…
YouTube channel: TheMarriageMediator
(Videos courtesy of Marianne Van Dijk – Cup of Empathy/YouTube Channel)
See also: Conflict-Resolution
“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”
Fighting giraffes in Ithala Game Reserve, northern KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa
Courtesy of Luca Galuzzi – www.galuzzi.it via Wikimedia Commons
Several mediators that I would recommend: