NVC Mediation

“Since we tend to see ourselves primarily in the light of our intentions, which are invisible to others, while we see others mainly in the light of their actions, which are all that’s visible to us, we have a situation in which misunderstanding and injustice are the order of the day.” ~ John G. Bennet

Dialogue-Prep & Connected Conversation

Learn more as to applying NVC Mediation skills to your everyday life with NVC Mediator John Kinyon and/or peruse this dropdown menu of potential resources: 

Mediate One’s Life

An earlier version of Conversation Maps, handouts depicted throughout this page, can also be found via mediateyourlife.com/handouts

John Kinyon‘s new NVC App:




(note: “Star Wars” inspired bio-regions)



See also MediateYour Life courses via John Kinyon



(Mediate Your Life map courtesy of John Kinyon)

see more via this blog’s toolbox page

& NVC Mediation – Facebook community:


Free NVC Academy Learning Resources 

Browse NVC Library

NVC Academy Account / Library subscription (required):

Inner Maps of Conflict with John Kinyon:

“In this brief audio segment, John Kinyon offers a guided tour of our inner maps of conflict, including interpersonal mediationchooser/educatorenemy images and making amends maps.”

NVC Academy Resources with John Kinyon

Dr. Yvette Erasmus – Free Training: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

 Pathways to Liberation – Self-Assessment Matrix

Online Matrix Survey InstructionsBook – Events Calendar – Practice GroupsContact

John Kinyon’s CNVC profile



See also from John’s blog:

Empathic Community

The Three-Chair Model | Center for Nonviolent Communication

By Ike Lasater & John Kinyon
With Julie Stiles

Excerpt: “…At the heart of our NVC mediation training is the three-chair learning model.” (continues)

Taking the Third Chair – Mediate Your Life

The Self-Connection Process and “Taking the 3rd Chair” in Difficult Conversations 

You can do this practice with yourself, remembering/thinking about a triggering situation or communication coming toward you; and you can use the practice to internally frame a triggering situation to yourself when you are experiencing one. You can say to yourself something like, “Oh, this is an Intensity Practice moment.” Step 1

NVC Mediation resources:


Learning Venues for Mediating Your Life:

Across the Aisle Conversations (free)

Reconciliation & Healing Conversations (free)

Mediate Your Life – an online retreat

Online Weekly Mediate Your Life Course

The Matrix – Pathways to Liberation:

Awareness of Response-Ability

Online Matrix Survey InstructionsBook – Events Calendar – Recordings

If you’re new to NVC, there is a beginner’s Facebook group overseen by Ray Taylor here (and other NVC resources can be found here as well).

See also: Other NVC Learning Venues

Dr. Yvette Erasmus – Conversations from the Heart

How to Get Ready for A New Conversation – Dr. Yvette Erasmus


“Nonviolent Communication is an awareness discipline masquerading as a communication process.”

~ Kit Miller

Four Mediate One’s Life contexts:

  • Internal/intrapersonal. The conflict is within, between aspects of oneself.
  • Self-other/interpersonal. The conflict is between oneself and another.
  • Informal. Opting to lend one’s mediation skills to a conflict in our midst (without being explicitly asked to do so).
  • Formal. One mediates a conflict, intentionally, and at the request or with the express agreement of others.

Contact Pamela re: NVC Mediation & “Taking the Third Chair

Learn more about Mediate One’s Life (consults)



How to Get Ready for A New Conversation – Dr. Yvette Erasmus

Handy Handouts

(Beneath courtesy of the work of NVC Mediation pioneers John Kinyon & Ike LasaterFounders – Mediate Your Life)

John Kinyon, “Three chairs can change your life…”

franc3a7ois_barraud_-_la_tailleuse_de_soupe1François Barraud – La Tailleuse de Soupe

Taking the Third Chair – Mediate Your Life

Excerpt (via John Kinyon):  “Three chairs can change your life.  In the world of professional dispute resolution, the three chairs represent two disputants and a mediator.  In our Mediate Your Life training, you learn to ‘take the third chair.’  From this perspective, you perceive a different reality.  You become more centered and effective in responding to life’s challenges and conflicts…. Seeing the situation from the third chair can be very difficult.  Although obvious and simple at one level, the shift in perspective is a radical one that goes deeper and deeper.  I have at times found it quite challenging — and also extremely valuable — to live this out in my own life…” (continues

Healing & Reconciliation Process

See also:  Conflict-ResolutionDialogue Prep, Enemy-Imagery & Connected Conversation

See also:  The Three Chair Model [PDF]


3Chairs Project for Difficult Conversations That Change Our World

Vision & Mission (via John Kinyon):  The vision of the 3Chairs Project is a critical mass of people around the world working together to respond to the challenges we face, and creating a peaceful, healthy, and sustainable world.
The mission of the project is people having difficult and important conversations — personal, work, political — using a “3 chairs” structure and process that brings mindful awareness, compassion and collaboration to these conversations. It’s about hearing and understanding each other in our differences and our pain, without needing to agree, and connecting at the level of our shared humanity to contribute to one another’s well being. It’s about having conversations that change us, that create the life and relationships we want, and that move us toward the world we envision…

Across the Aisle

As tensions ratchet up around the U.S. presidential election results, and more and more common is heard the phrase “civil war,” we need some way to bring the temperature down. We seem to be moving towards inhabiting different worlds of alternate realities, parallel universes of perspective, experience, and belief, with the very real potential for eruptions into violence… (continues)
For more information about our weekly Across The Aisle event (Wednesdays 5-6:30pm PT), see https://johnkinyon.com/events/.


For more as to NVC & Social Change Agency:

Politics, Climate & NVC


Earlier NVC Model (1.0 — circa 1980s) — Prior to “Universal Human Needs” cornerstone


See also: Empathy Guessing Demystified &

Three Layers of Empathy



John Kinyon on NVC-Mediation

The Self-Connection and “Taking the 3rd Chair” in Difficult Conversations

By John Kinyon

In our Mediate Your Life training, we offer what is called a Self-Connection Process. This process integrates mindfulness with language components of Compassionate Communication (Nonviolent Communication/NVC), and a 3-chair mediation framework that provides different processes we call “maps” to navigate life’s challenges and difficult conversations.

The Self-Connection Process map enables you to find the inner “3rd chair” of awareness. From this place, you can observe the “opposing chairs” of thoughts and feelings, and effectively navigate the storminess and rough terrains of conflict to find connection on the other side where new possibilities emerge for solving problems and experiencing well being… (continues)


Transfiguration, 1520

See also:  Handy-Handouts


See also: Peace, Love & Joy


For inquiries referencing 1) NVC mediation (that can be logistically conducted via phone/Skype), 2) possible mediators/referrals &/or 3) a free #MediateOnesLife consult, please email Pamela

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning


The Mediate Your Life Approach

What is NVC Mediation? A Powerful Model for Healing and Reconciling Conflict

by Ike Lasater, Julie Stiles

November 2009

To be a human being is to regularly be in conflict with oneself and others. Since we are biological beings, we are not able to be inside another person’s experience, which means that each of us has our unique frame of reference on the world. Brain scientists tell us that our experience shapes how the mind perceives the world. We all know this intuitively. In a simple example, you and I can go to a movie together, and you might be impassioned while I might be bored. The difference lies in each of us, not in the movie. In a similar vein, scientists also suggest that, in ways that are not yet fully known, the brain in effect has several conversations happening simultaneously in the process of producing what we experience as a unified consciousness of a present situation. Thus, both inside our minds and with other people we are immersed in conversations that contain differing perspectives, and conflicts inherently arise.  I have found NVC mediation to be an effective means of reconciling these differing perspectives, so much so that I have taken it on as an all-encompassing life practice. The same skills apply whether I am working on a conflict within my own head, a conflict between myself and another person, or a conflict between two or more people, or whether I am seeking to return to presence in the process of the every day occurrences of my life. Taking on the practice of NVC mediation means to constantly hone and expand the capacity to contribute to the reconciliation and healing of conflict. In this article, I’ll explain the basic premise and process of NVC mediation and where it came from, then go into detail on a number of characteristics of this form that I find make it a particularly potent model.  The Origin of NVC mediation has evolved out of the body of work referred to as Nonviolent Communication that was initially developed by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, a clinical psychologist, out of his personal and professional experience. Marshall has spent the last few decades traveling around the world offering trainings.  Though the number of people who have been to NVC trainings is quite large, NVC mediation is still relatively unknown… (continues here:  What is NVC Mediation?)


Choosing Peace

Choosing Peace is about creating inner peace and from that creating peace with others. In it, we give the reader concrete tools with which to do this. It is a very practical hands-on book, a relevant and accessible tool… Learn More

More videos:  Mediate Your Life: A Training Company

What do you mean by “mediate your life”?

Four contexts:

  • Internal. The conflict is inside your own head, between aspects of yourself.
  • Self-other/interpersonal. The conflict is between you and someone else.
  • Informal. You mediate someone else’s conflict without being asked to do so.
  • Formal. You mediate someone else’s conflict at their request.

For More Info:  Mediate Your Life – Facebook

From Conflict to Connection
Transforming Difficult Conversations into Peaceful Resolutions

Interpersonal conflict is a fact of life. Whether you are directly in conflict with a family member or colleague, or simply experience sticky situations with others, being able to have difficult conversations in a satisfying manner can greatly improve your relationships and well-being. Learn More…

Additional Handouts


See also: Enemy-Imagery, Conflict-Resolution

& Seeds of a Nonviolent Ethos



Making Amends


Oren Jay Sofer‘s “Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication”


Marriage Mediation:

The Marriage Mediator.net

Intro to Marriage Mediation

 YouTube channel:  TheMarriageMediator

TMM 2011 Interview Before and After Couples First Marriage Mediation Session

Solve a conflict in 3 minutes

(Videos courtesy of Marianne Van Dijk – Cup of Empathy/YouTube Channel)

See also: Conflict-Resolution

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”

― Rainer Maria RilkeLetters to a Young Poet


Fighting giraffes in Ithala Game Reserve, northern KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa
Courtesy of Luca Galuzzi – www.galuzzi.it via Wikimedia Commons


Several mediators that I would recommend:

Godfrey Spencer

Aya Caspi

Glyn Conlon

Kate Raffin  of HeartTalkMatters.com

Any inquiries, whatsoever, as to the above — please email Pamela 

at streetgiraffes@gmail.com


Please note the Stars Wars inspired mnemonic memory device of bio-regions:


Pathways to Liberation: Self-Assessment Matrix

Awareness of Response-ability